Author Archives: TonySqrd

How can you tell for sure that you are Greek

  1. If you have ever been hit by a ‘pantofla’.
  2. If you grew up scared by something called ‘baboula’.
  3. If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
  4. If you light a candle to Virgin Mary (Panayia) on the night before your big test.
  5. If you use your chin to point something out.
  6. If you have at least 2 relatives within walking distance.
  7. If your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even  if it’s a one bedroom apartment.
  8. If you attended, graduated or dropped out of Greek School.
  9. If during Greek Easter you take off from work for religious reasons, and  attend the Epitafio at NIGHT.
  10. If you become sick and anemic because you did not eat meat.
  11. If whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some ‘Vick’s vapor rub’ all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
  12. Your mom packs your ‘kolatso’ and makes your bed every day even though you’ve just turned thirty-two.
  13. If at least 2 other cousins have the same name as you or if you have at least 3 cousins with same name.
  14. If you hated fakes, bamies, or fasolakia as a kid, but started enjoying them as you grew up.

Betty and Tim in heaven

Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding.
In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married.

“Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back.”

Six months pass and Peter returns. “Yes, we can do this for you.”

The couple asks, “Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don’t work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?”

To which St. Peter answers, “It took me six months to find a priest up here — how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?”

How to obtain golfing permission

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy:
– “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

Second Guy:
– “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.”

Third Guy:
– “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the
kitchen for her.”

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him:
– “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?”

Fourth Guy:
– “I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a nudge and say, ‘Golf course or intercourse?’ and she says, ‘Wear your sweater.'”