Category Archives: English

Content in English language

How to obtain golfing permission

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy:
– “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

Second Guy:
– “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.”

Third Guy:
– “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the
kitchen for her.”

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him:
– “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?”

Fourth Guy:
– “I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a nudge and say, ‘Golf course or intercourse?’ and she says, ‘Wear your sweater.'”

Memory problem

One patient came in and said:
– ‘Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.’

The doctor asked,
– ‘When did it start?’

The man replied:
– ‘When did what start?’

Wishing well

A couple came upon a wishing well.

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works!”

Right Brain vs Left Brain Test

Do you see the dancer turning clockwise or counter-clockwise? This drives people crazy for hours.

leftvsright

If you see the dancer turning clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

Most of us would see the dancer turning counter-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
  • uses logic
  • detail oriented
  • facts rule
  • words and language
  • present and past
  • math and science
  • can comprehend
  • knowing
  • acknowledges
  • order/pattern perception
  • knows object name
  • reality based
  • forms strategies
  • practical
  • safe
  • uses feeling
  • “big picture” oriented
  • imagination rules
  • symbols and images
  • present and future
  • philosophy & religion
  • can “get it” (i.e. meaning)
  • believes
  • appreciates
  • spatial perception
  • knows object function
  • fantasy based
  • presents possibilities
  • impetuous
  • risk taking

A Blonde’s Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was  too tight…

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels… Helllloooo!!!… Bottle won’t fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited… Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months… Box said ‘2-4 years!’

April
Trapped on escalator for hours… Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid…. Wrong instructions… 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing…  Couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition… Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm… Car flooded because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is ‘C’… isn’t it???

October
Hate M & M’s… They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days… Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn’t call 911… ‘duh’… there’s no ‘eleven’ button on the stupid phone!!!