Why did the Vampire subscribe to USA Today?
– He heard it had great circulation.
Author Archives: TonySqrd
Barbie deal
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present.
He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager:
– How much is that new Barbie in the window?
The Manager replied:
– Which one? We have:
- Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95
- Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95
- Barbie goes shopping’ for $19.95
- Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95
- Barbie goes to the nightclub for $19.95 and
- Divorced Barbie for $375.00
– Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.
The store manager replied:
– Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat, Ken’s furniture and all of Ken’s savings.
Τι να κάνω;
Πηγαίνω τη γυναίκα μου παντού, αλλά πάντα βρίσκει το δρόμο για να γυρίσει.
Γάμος στην Αφρική
Συζήτηση μεταξύ πατέρα και γιου:
– Μπαμπά ξέρεις τι άκουσα; Σε κάποιες χώρες της Αφρικής ο άντρας δεν γνωρίζει την γυναίκα που θα παντρευτεί μέχρι την ημέρα του γάμου τους.
– Αυτό παιδί μου συμβαίνει σε όλες τις χώρες.
Πονόλαιμος
– Γιατρέ μου, έχω πονόλαιμο.
– Σταθείτε στο παράθυρο και κατεβάστε το παντελόνι σας.
– Μα τι σχέση έχει αυτό, γιατρέ;
– Καμιά. Απλώς δε χωνεύω τους γείτονες.
A present for mother-in-law
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
– “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..
Mπλε και πράσινους κόκκους
– Γιατρέ, βλέπω μπλε και πράσινους κόκκους…
– Οφθαλμίατρο, έχετε δει ;
– Όχι ! Μόνο μπλε και πράσινους κόκκους…
A day at Tiffany’s
A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany’s. He politely greets the lady.
– “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident,’ she asks:
– “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”
He answers…
– “Madam, if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to shit when I tell you the price.”
Παντρεμένος τρεις φορές
Συζητούν δύο τύποι:
– Έχω παντρευτεί τρεις φορές, αλλά και οι τρεις γυναίκες μου πέθαναν.
– Σοβαρά; ρωτά ο άλλος. Πώς συνέβη;
– Η πρώτη μου γυναίκα πέθανε από δηλητηριώδη μανιτάρια…
– Τι λες, βρε παιδί μου; Και η δεύτερη;
– Κι εκείνη από δηλητηριώδη μανιτάρια.
– Κοίτα κάτι πράγματα! Και η τρίτη;
– Η τρίτη πέθανε από κάταγμα κρανίου.
– Αλήθεια; Πώς έγινε;
– Ε, δεν ήθελε να φάει τα μανιτάρια!!!
The mailbox
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
– ‘Is something wrong?’ To which she replied,
– ‘There certainly is!’ My stupid computer keeps saying, ‘YOU’VE GOT MAIL!’